A 12 Step Program for Michael Steele
Michael Steele is an addict and somebody needs to intervene.
I know there’s no evidence the Chairman of the RNC has a problem with drugs or alcohol, despite the occasional inadvertent “Is he on crack?” response to his rants. This might be interpreted as racial stereotyping if not for the fact that, by my personal count, eighty-seven percent of African-Americans share that same reaction. So it’s not a race thing. It’s a WTF thing.
No, Michael Steele is not on drugs. He has a much more insidious addiction. He craves attention. Any way he can get it.
Don’t take my word for it. Look it up in the DSM-IV, the reference shrinks use to define and diagnose everything from neurotic phobias to narcissism. I’ll lend you my copy which, by the way, I can explain why I have it another time. Anyway, all the signs of addiction are there:
He spends a great deal of time trying to get attention.
He needs increased amounts of attention to achieve the desired effect.
He gets more attention for longer periods than he intended.
He tries to cut down unsuccessfully.
He has withdrawal symptoms.
He continues to seek attention despite the fact that it routinely causes problems in his life.
I know what you’re thinking. I’m actually enabling him right now with even more attention. You’re right but sometimes it takes people who care about the addict to finally step in, draw attention to the problem and do something to help. Other times, like now, we could care less about the loser but we’re just sick and tired enough to force and intervention and send him into a 12 step program.
So, Michael, go to the next Attention Addicts Anonymous meeting. They generally get together often for obvious reasons. They’ll help you admit that you’re powerless over attention. Then conduct a searching moral inventory of yourself. Make a list of the people you’ve harmed and make amends. And above all, carry this message to other attention addicts like yourself.
And if you need a sponsor, just call me.
